


No Climax

by sherlockislovely



Series: Awkward. [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Daydreaming, M/M, Relationship Discussions, Sherlock Being Forward, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 04:44:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13605789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockislovely/pseuds/sherlockislovely
Summary: Everyone keeps talking to John about sex, which is annoying considering he isn't getting any. Yet.





	No Climax

**Author's Note:**

> Just so you know, I wrote this instead of working on a case study. My procrastination is your gain.

**_Mycroft_ **

John was just coming off a double-shift. John was tired. John was irritated. John was not in the mood.

And yet.

“Good afternoon, John.”

Mycroft peered at him as John reluctantly settled into the back seat of the car. Anthea offered him a drink ( _water, juice, whiskey?_ ), but John waved her off politely before turning back to glare at his unwelcome visitor.

“Mycroft. I would say it’s nice to see you, but, well,” John folded his hands in his lap, unconsciously tapping his right thumb over his left. Mycroft lifted his chin and pursed his lips.

“There are things we need to discuss. One thing in particular,” the statesman said with an expression which was somehow both blank and condescending. John withheld an eye-roll but was unable to hold back a deep sigh.

“There is nothing to discuss. Not between us, at any rate.”

“John, this is not something to go into lightly. My brother is not-“

“Nope, no,” John shook his head and reached for the door handle, “I’m not having this conversation. Go be an over-protective arsehole somewhere else.”

“The car is still moving, John,” Mycroft, for all that he was usually composed, was exuding a reasonable amount of frustration. John pulled at the handle a few times, realized that it would not unlock until the car had stopped, and turned back to Mycroft. When he did not say anything, Mycroft continued, “My brother does not handle sentiment well.”

“Yes, you rather well beat that out of him, didn’t you?” John snapped back at him, his shoulders raising in a rather dominating way. Mycroft seemed to fall back a bit on that, blinking at the doctor in surprise. John ran a hand over his face and leaned back against the seat, “Look, we just kissed, we’re not getting married! Let us figure some shit out on our own, would you?”

“He’s never done this before. It’s not going to end well,” Mycroft countered.

“Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, it’s our business.” John gave him a pointed look that indicated the conversation was over. Mycroft clenched his jaw but leaned over to tap the glass of the divider as he did so. The car slowed to a stop and John finally wrenched the door open, turning back while still half inside the car, “I suggest you stop bugging the flat. There are some things you can never un-hear.”

“John?” Mycroft pinched his eyebrows together at John’s sly smile.

“I assume your brother’s sex life is not something you want to be privy to,” John gave him a quick wave and closed the car door behind him but was able to catch the beginning of an uncomfortable blush rising on Mycroft’s cheeks. John had no idea, really, if sex was even on the table for him and Sherlock, but he took pride in being able to make Mycroft uncomfortable.

 

* * *

**_Mrs. Hudson_ **

John still had a self-indulgent smile on his face as he unlocked the front door. If anything, the doctor could be happy about the fact that he hadn’t had to pay for a cab or the Tube that evening. The trade-off of having to talk to Mycroft was rather high, though.

Mrs. Hudson was just exiting her flat as he stepped into the foyer.

“Oh, John! Have you seen Sherlock? A package came for him and I’m never sure about those kinds of things. It could be body parts, for all I know,” She said as she pulled her coat around her small frame. John stepped forward and helped lift the material over her shoulders.

“He’s not here? Oh,” John suddenly remembered that his phone had gone off just as he was leaving the clinic. He pulled the device from his pocket and opened his messages, “Ah, he’s at Bart’s. Bothering Molly, no doubt.”

“Oh, well, that’s alright. The package is on the stairs if you want to take it up.”

“I’ll do that. Thanks, Mrs. Hudson,” John looked toward the stairs and eyed the package sitting innocently on the second step. It didn’t look big enough to hold a head, which was a miracle all on its own. _Well,_ John thought, _too small to be a human head, at any rate_.

Mrs. Hudson was almost out the front door when she turned back around hesitantly, “Oh, and John? While I’m happy that you and Sherlock have a healthy sex life, I’d rather not see evidence of it left open on your computer.”

“I’m sorry?” John pulled his gaze away from the box and looked at Mrs. Hudson.

“The sex forums, dear,” She smiled uncomfortably at him as his mouth fell open. Before John could reply, Mrs. Hudson was closing the door behind her, “Ta!”

John stared at the now closed door and blinked. _Sex forums? Evidence of his and Sherlock’s sex life?_ He turned back to the package, lifting it with one arm as he made his way up the stairs, wondering what the hell he was missing.

 

* * *

 

 

**_The Patient_ **

There was, indeed, a discussion forum open on John’s computer when he entered the living room. A few sentences caught his eye, namely a few blurbs on practical amounts of lube and prostate stimulation, to which John was both turned on and uncomfortable with.

This opened a whole new door that John wasn’t quite sure he was ready to go through. Was this a hint from Sherlock? Was Sherlock ready to take that next step? Was John? John’s experience with sex was largely with women, and really, how much of that would transfer over? What experience did Sherlock have with sex, if any?

John cleared his throat and closed the tab before shutting the laptop.

Sherlock didn’t return to the flat until after John was asleep that night, so John didn’t get a chance to talk to him before heading to the clinic the next day. If he was lucky, he could push sex completely out of his head for the time being. Hopefully, he’d be able to sit down with Sherlock and have an honest and adult discussion about this when he got home.

John was not lucky.

His second patient of the day was a woman in her thirties, who was receiving a contraceptive implant. Apparently, there _was_ a limit to how much you should tell your doctor.

“…The sex is phenomenal, but I don’t want kids anytime soon, you know? Quite honestly, I’ve been put in positions in the past two weeks that I didn’t even think possible, let alone pleasurable.”

John was doing his best to react professionally, but _really_. He snapped on a pair of latex gloves and rolled his chair next to the exam table, “You’ve both been tested, yes? As a doctor, I do need to remind you that pregnancy is not the only risk when it comes to sex. The implant does not protect from HIV or STIs.”

“Oh, yeah, we’re both clean,” She said distractedly, “Have you heard of the book She Comes First? Allen read it and it’s done absolute wonders. I don’t think I’ve orgasmed this much in my life.”

John paused for a moment, though the patient was too busy talking to notice. He took a deep breath and chose not to respond. His plan to avoid thinking about sex today was absolutely bollocksed and his mind was starting to wander to exceedingly unprofessional places. Sherlock leaning over him, shirtless; John pushed against the wall, hot, wet kisses trailing down his neck; a hand snaking its way down the back of Sherlock’s trousers-

“-and don’t get me started on sex toys. I used to think they were weird and kinky, but let me tell you-“

John nodded politely and finished inserting the implant into the woman’s arm before sending her on her way. He rested his head on his desk and groaned. It was generally frowned upon to wank at work, right? He pulled his phone out and typed a message.

_My shift ends at 2,  
will you be home? -JW_

The reply was almost immediate.

  _At Bart’s now,  
not sure. -SH_

John huffed and sent another message.

_It’s about what you_   
_left open on my laptop_   
_-JW_

_Good or bad? -SH_

_Good, I’d say. -JW_

_I’ll be home. -SH_

 

* * *

**_Sherlock_ **

The four hours left of John’s shift were agonizing. He couldn’t stop thinking about Sherlock, and in fact, had ended up pulling himself off in the private bathroom. Putting aside the embarrassment of that, he was relatively optimistic about what would happen when he got home.

So, imagine his disappointment when he arrived home fifteen minutes after his shift to an empty flat.

“Fuck,” John whispered, pulling out his phone yet again.

_Where are you? -JW_

When no reply came after ten minutes, John resigned to make himself a cup of tea and stand against the counter while glancing unsurely at Sherlock’s experiment on the table. It was a rather shocking shade of pink. John decided he didn’t want to know.

The cup was almost empty when he heard the downstairs door open and heavy steps climb the stairs. John stood up straighter.

Sherlock was a sight to behold, his hair in disarray and his cheeks flushed red from the cold. He pulled his coat off and hung it up before stepping closer to John and pulling the teacup from his hands.

“I texted you,” John said, allowing the mug to be pulled from his fingers.

“Spilled acid on my phone,” Sherlock replied casually. _Oh, right, because that’s a normal predicament,_ John thought. “So?” Sherlock’s voice was muffled behind the cup as he downed the dregs of the tea.

“So.” John couldn’t think of anything to say. There were so _many_ things, and yet his mind was blank. Void. Empty. Sherlock raised an eyebrow at him.

“Do you want to talk first or can I go ahead and take your clothes off?” Sherlock said, his gaze dropping low to John’s stomach and then back to his eyes. John shivered visibly. _God, take my clothes off, please,_ John’s mind supplied, and he had to shake his head to clear the thought.

“Unghh..” John frowned at the incomprehensible sound that escaped his mouth, “Talk. Sorry. Yeah, we need to talk.”

“What is there to talk about? I want you, you want me, what else is there?”

“Safety, for one. I know I’m clean. Are you-“

“I’m clean.”

“Okay,” John nodded and looked away, “And have you…“

“I have very little sexual experience if that’s what you’re asking. So do you. With men, anyway.”

“Okay, not gonna ask how you know that, but that’s something to take into consideration, yeah? And what about us, in general? Are we in a relationship, not in a relationship, exclusive, not exclusive? It needs defining.”

Sherlock paused and placed a hand on John’s neck, bringing their faces closer together, “I only want you, John. If that makes us partners, boyfriends, exclusive, that’s fine. It’s only you.”

“Y-yeah. Okay. That’s good,” John stuttered as he felt his heart almost beat out of his chest, “And, um…”

“Yes?” Sherlock’s voice rumbled next to John’s ear before his lips met the doctor’s neck. John tilted his head slightly to give the detective more access. Sherlock’s mouth sucked gently at John’s pulse point and his eyes fluttered to a close.

“I think we should – _Christ_ – we should go slow. There’s no need to – _ah, fuck, Sherlock_ – there’s no need to rush,” John found that his speech was falling on deaf ears as Sherlock worked at his neck. John put his hands in Sherlock’s hair and tugged a bit, pulling Sherlock’s lips up to his own.

“You know,” Sherlock said when he finally pulled away, biting John’s bottom lip before releasing it, “I didn’t leave that page open.”

“What? How did-“ John shook his head, realization dawning, “Mrs. Hudson.”

“She does like to intervene in our lives, doesn’t she?”

John swallowed and sighed, “I must admit, knowing that she set this up is not exactly a turn-on.” He pulled away, keeping one arm on Sherlock’s shoulder, “And we haven’t gotten rid of Mycroft’s bugs yet.”

“Fuck Mycroft,” Sherlock said with frustration.

“Mm, I’d rather not,” John said, causing Sherlock to bark out a laugh, “And I’m not getting off while your brother is listening. C’mon. Let’s destroy some government-issued listening devices.”

Sherlock sighed as he placed a kiss on John’s temple before detangling his limbs from around the doctor’s body, “Fine. But this is all rather anti-climactic.”

John watched Sherlock walk toward the bookcase and start pulling books off the shelves, following the line of his body contrasting with the light coming in the from the street, “Don’t I know it.”


End file.
